Change... Name...

I am about to undergo the biggest change in my life. It will taste my spirit, emotions, physical and mental strengths,tolerance, understanding, creativity and soul, but I know I am mentally and physically ready for it. Time and time again I find myself wondering if the world it ready for this change. Another new me? It does sound like I have mentioned this before but I assure you this time it is a change that will rock the world and turn everything upside down on its arse. Almost everything is in motion all I have to do is get on the train and ride it hard. It is going to be one hell of a ride and one I am bound by my emotions and rationale to hold on to for the rest of my life. Come to think of it I do need to start thinking of a name. This change should have a name. A name that is worthy of it, a name that will stand the test of time. A name infused with power, creativity and knowledge. A name so simple. A name.

quarter life crisis: quote from convo with Q

Queenie: u cant be bored
u just got this job
me: believe it or not
i'm so bored already
Queenie: hahaha
dim suen ar lei
me: idk
hahaha
soo bad
3:36 PM Queenie: haha
guess what i found
Queenie: Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:
me: lol
Queenie: boredom with social interactions
HAHAHA
that s us
me: give me the whole prep
3:37 PM Queenie: Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:

feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level
frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
confusion of identity
insecurity regarding the near future
insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
insecurity regarding present accomplishments
re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
disappointment with one's job
nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
tendency to hold stronger opinions
boredom with social interactions
loss of closeness to high school and college friends
financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
loneliness
desire to have children
a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you
that explains why
aahha
me: omg
i'm total at that
but i'm a little late at 27
i have to blog this

again..

Trying to arrange my thoughts lately
all my ideas contradicts and really don't know what is my final goal
Do i love or do i lust.
Another reunion of he and I, another uneasy nights for me
It is not love nor guilt that I feel, it is a weird competition that we have
I wish to present that I am not nothing without you
That I will have work love and friends my life after you
But I stil feel like I have not match up to you
I still feel like my life seems shitty without you
I admit that it was everything that i dreamt of
and as the text i sent you before we break up. it is a fairy tale that does not belong to me
Maybe i felt it was too easy, maybe i want to work on my life with my own efforts
therefore i left you, i had to feel like i belong to myself, not borrowing my perfect life from you
But I am happy, but unhappy after I have to compare myself with you
maybe it is a good idea that we shall never meet again

O....

I went to bed a bit pissed at a friend last night. When I woke I could not believe how pissed I was at her, come to think of it there wasn't really anything major that warranted such a display of emotions. Maybe I am getting to that point again where my tolerance for humanity is getting low. The last time I had something like this I completely erased a lot of people from my life. Maybe they deserved it but I would not know now. I seem to get very detached from more people every year while making less new friends to replace the old once. I guess humanity is not much interesting to me anymore. There is a bitter taste in my mouth and it is slowly spreading.

I got to talking with you yesterday and our conversation moved into shagging and I was a bit surprised that no matter how many times we've talked about it you seem to tell me that you have never thought about us being together. I wonder if maybe its cause we have grown too close to each other or its because I kept this feeling for you this long with no return from you. I guess its getting to the point where I should overhaul my affection for you. Time has passed and affections have been voiced. You know where I stand and how I feel about you. I leave it here in your court for you to make the next move.

S.B.C

I started from scratch. Editing and writing out all the things that I have put on hold as a result of a silly excuse I gave to myself. A lot has happened and it is time I get off my 'feeling-sorry-for-myself' arse and start being as creative as I have always been. I am taking my project from print to the net so as not to keep dodging my fear. Maybe I can justify going to the net and look at it as an effort to stay 'Green' since it is the rage right now, but who the fuck am I kidding. I can not sit around and keep telling myself that I can't afford to go to print only to watch as my brain cells slowly rot and die. I have a gift, a talent, skill or whatever the fuck you want to call it and it is high-time I created something that is beautiful and fills my heart with sparkling bubbles. The storyboard is finished and its time to get this motion picture into full production. I am ranting to save my brain cells and for that we will call this episode 'save the brain cells'.